Because, I need to let it out.

Well,
I just need to type it out, get it out. How I feel. People can get sick of it, the qoutes, the songs, the little 'sweet about nothings' I write. But, I don't. I wont, ever get sick, how can I? I can't ever get sick of him...
This, this is why I don't;

Every pervious boy who I have fallen for, who I have idioticly let myself become inlove with, they left me in such a state it was unbareable. That wasn't because, they broke-up with me, that wasn't because, I felt unloved, it was because what I thought of them, how I thought the world of those ex boyfriends, all in that second, had been crushed. They wern't that guy who told me they loved me in class, held me infront of his friends, they were the guys who shattered me infront of everyone I knew at a party, or left me for my best friend? They became, the guys I dispised, all because I opened up, and it was 'too much' for them to bare... My life, isn't something someone should 'bare' but fuck! I'm the one who has to deal with it? Well, as few know, I was not in a good place for a while,- I didn't want to love again, after all I had one of my 'ex's' still playing me around, all the time, and would crush me just as I would admit it to him... He was what I thought love really was about, he was what I thought my love...

But, I was sorely wrong. My friend, introduced me to a guy, online, she had met him, and she told me this guy would 'suite me perfectly' I didn't want to beleive that. Not after being played around, and fucked up so many times. All I really wanted to do was be happy, and that I was failing in. So, I went with it, I accepted the guy, I spoke to him, and in less than a week, he made me so. unbelievably. happy. I hadn't met him, which sounds bad but, I didn't care, this guy seemed so... Unlike the others, so nice, so heartwarming, but I couldn't judge yet, I had to meet him. And so I did. Almost two months ago from now, I was dreading meeting him but now, well, I wouldn't want anything more to see his face every single moment. Yeah, I sound like a goon when I speek like that, but I can and knowing he accepts me for it? Means the world and more. He's not like the other guys, hes everything, and so much more. I know, I love him, and have never had such a connection with anyone, I can tell him anything he asks without a hesitation. I couldn't do that with anyone else. But the main thing is, I care more about him than anything. I don't care what happens to me now, he saved me, from well, so much... I would do, anything for him, just to make sure he's alright, he comes first, always, and no matter what I have been though, everything I have, all in all, now I don't care. I have him. And I'd go through it all twice as hard, just to be with him.


I wouldn't want it any other way. People can say all they want, but-
more than your'll know, and thats not gonna change. :)
No matter what anyone says. I love you unconditionally and i will forever.

I'm worse than nothing without you...

Long, time, no blogger, tumblr, just bores, me? Tumblr, doesn't allow me to say, how I truly feel..
I need, a LARGE update.

Now, previous posts, you may have read, my so 'depressing' blogs,I can barely over read them, because I think to my self, that was ME? Mortified, by the fact, I was supposedly in love, with a idiot. Now, I realise, long gone, he was not my one, my cause, he was nothing but this insignificant free-be I got for a taster. I have the real thing, now. I know that.

Yes, I found him people, and I'm sure, so sure he's my one. I have, never felt so strong about anything, let alone anyone, I would do anything for this boy. He's charming, he's sweet, he's funny, gorgeous, completely perfect he's everything I looked and asked for, even more, and I have him. Not only, can I trust my life with him, is he, my perfect love, he's my best friend, he's everything to me now. I look forward to each day, I smile each morning, knowing he's now in my life. I can forget, all the shit, everything, just by his smile, he makes it vanish. Now, that, really is something, he may not know, how hard things can get for me, and why I get so paranoid,I guess, I can take my time in proving that.

We don't even have to talk, as long as he's there, everything's perfect.

But, there is just one problem, one but. He has no idea, what would become of me without him. No idea, what will occur if he leaves me, I don't even know, but I know, I wont get over that, it scares me thinking of it- leading to my paranoia. My major flaw, I obsess over little things, and when the conversation dies, I flip, I was almost in tears when you joked about leaving me.. You see, I couldn't handle that, that's why I'm scared for this. But don't care, because now I'm worse than nothing without you, and have you, I don't know, I ring circles inside my head, 'how are you with me?' someone like you and then there's me..:/ I owe you everything, and your'll probably never realise, how much I really do love you.

Josh, I love you. ♥