Truths.

Truth is,
love isn't the pain, love is not the fear, the real fear, is being without it, not with it. With it, we are happy, but the truth everyone hates to hear, is it is not love that pains, its loneliness, because with it, your loveless.

But, love is almost like a pize, or invisible object, you do anything to win it,keep it, and share it, but not all of us can manage it, it can be replaced, but wont be forgoten, because unlike a win or possestion, its everywhere.

Anyway, what I am getting at, is my love, last week, and this past week, has been threatened, intirely, causing, greif pain, and most of all, fear of loosing him. I don't want to compete with my past blogs in a sense, by writing down all my feelings for my boyfriend, how he's so much better than that other idiot. I don't need to because i know it, but i also know i did love that idiot, and i can't deny it, i have just read over some of my posts, i admit, im stupid writing so strongly for a boy i hardly knew, but those feelings were there. But, I'm not going to lie, and say I loved him like no other, because, god. I can't put it down how I feel about my boyfriend, I love him, truely, not just love/crush like I did, but i mean irravocably love, to the point I'm not affraid to tell him about my previous loves, or hide how I feel, keep things hidden, or hold back. I can be completely myself around him.

But, I almost lost that. Twice.
I can't.
Just, can't speak about...
How much,
that hurt.

Hurt, isn't even the word, I don't think there is for that pain.

But, one of my best friends, being fucking amazing as he is, helped me. He came to my house, in the pouring rain, just to make sure i was ok? It was half nine, but he came. He, sorted everything for me, conforted me, and gave me a shoulder, to cry on, and managed to make me laugh. I don't know how to thank him enough, but he litrally saved me.

Anyway, for now, I still have my love, which i prize more than this world, people may say 'your over your head' or 'your two young' but you live once, and if that means only one life-time I have to spend as long as I can with him, then so be it. Because, I wont leave him, I can't, and hope this lasts, for as long as we both want. Because, the only way I'm happy, is knowing he is too, thats all I want, him happy, however much I will always need him, knowing he's ok, is all I truely want.
I love him, and would do anything for him.
Enough said.

Because, you fucking well deserve it.

Its true, you have written so much about me, on tumblr or blogs, but I haven’t yet wrote about you my dear friend.

Your beautiful, I mean that, not just stunningly gorgeous, no your more, your beautiful, inside and out- you are so flawlessly selfless, giving, and just brilliantly kind to me. Your one of the first I go to in need, and know everything there is to know about me, like I you.

I’m such a crazy character to deal with, not many can, or will, but you don’t care. Your always there, hands down I can always count on you, to cheer me up, or help me, yet your so flawlessly selfless, you don’t expect anything back, you just help more but, feel guilty when talking about you? Hell, I love hearing about my best friend, so DON’T YOU EVER. Its funny to think, I once didn’t like you- I never hated, but strongly disliked. :’) Now, it would KILL me to be without you. You stick up for me, like I do you, your like my sister, I can’t bare to see you hurt. I love, to see you happy more than anything. I can’t thank that boy enough, not only has he done so much for me, but now he’s made you INCREDIBLY happy, its just, amazing to see. And fuck’em those people who put you down, say you’ve done wrong, fuck’em all because they can only see how happy you and him are, and want to jeopardise that because they have nothing better to do, than pick on peoples happiness, and they should know fucking better, or they have to answer to me. :’)

Your amazing, an amazing friend. :)

I love you girl, and I wish I could write you more, thankyou for everything, you have no idea miss Siobhan Dooley. ♥

And fuck Spain for taking you away from me. ¬¬