I'm sorry..

Its true, I fucked up with you, I know, our friendship everything.

But I miss you, I miss everything, how I could trust and confined in you, the hour phone calls, the sleepovers, we had great times, you and I. But now its not, you and I is it? Now, its you and everyone else but me, and it.fucking.kills.more.that.anything.

I hate having to suck it all up, each time your names mentioned, because it hurts that much, how much I miss you. You’ll probably think its just because I’m without him, that I’m fleeing back to you, fair enough if you do,I don’t blame you for doing that, but its not. I actually, genially have and do care still, I pushed you away, because well I felt you found it better that way, and at the time, you seemed happier, and I didn’t want to bother you with my endless conversations about ‘him’ I felt like we’d drifted to far, and I had doubts, with what I heard was going on.

I apologise, as you say- like I always do. Your right, but I still owe it to you.

But I’m getting the help I need at the moment, the recovery, and when I finally, can find the words to tell you, even though words wont mend it all, I at least want to try.

Its hurts I’ve lost you, when I think back on everything, how you were the very first person, I ever opened up entirely too. The person who I laughed with, because we’d never yet had an argument in the time I had knew you, but things changed, well I changed and I’m sure you have partly but you were no different than the lovely girl who I opened up too in the first place, it was my fault for closing off, for putting things behind, and thinking it ‘okay’ to move on, when really I missed you. I miss you.

I cry about you too sometimes, yeah, I cried at every word you told me last time, because of how right you were. I fucked everything up, I’m a fuck up. I can’t ever forget that. But I’m fucked up. More than ever right now, to be honest. And so, to help me through I just guess, I wanted to write you an apology.

I’m sorry, for everything, and I don’t expect anything back, or said about this, if you do see it that is. Because I don’t deserve that, but you deserve at least this apology.

I’ll miss you, miss Balcombe, as always. I’m sorry.